I’m always amazed by how both of the two-year-olds can go from playing happily one minute to screaming with frustration the next. They can argue about anything from what toy to play with to whose Maymay I am in a span of ten seconds. Logic didn’t seem to do the trick when they were frustrated. “I’m Maymay to both of you” sailed right over their heads. I’ve found calming techniques for toddlers not only help with their child mental health but with mine too! I hope these work for you as well as they do for us.
Thanks to Stress Health and The Center for Childhood Wellness for partnering with us to provide these tips. All opinions are our own.
10 Calming Techniques for Toddlers
Toddlers can easily become upset because they don’t have the words to express themselves. These are some techniques I used when I was teaching school and with my own kids that have had good results.
1. Pick up the beat. When playwright William Congreve said “music has charms to calm the savage breast,” he could have been referring to toddlers. Who doesn’t feel better when they’re listening to an upbeat, catchy song? Put on your tot’s favorite music or play a calming instrumental CD.
2. Breathe in, breathe out. Teach your child breathing techniques. I say, “Let’s take a few deep breaths,” whenever there’s a meltdown. We breathe in and out for several minutes. It’s a proven way to reduce the stress response.
3. Distract, distract, distract. We travel often and sometimes during long trips when we’re stuck in traffic, there are loud cries of “want out!” from the toddlers in car seats. I keep a “special goodie bag” in our car that I only use for emergencies. It’s filled with stickers, puzzles, books, and toys. One of these usually brings on peace and quiet. I’ve found that using an object they like in such a situation usually distracts their mind from their troubles.
4. Remove them from the situation. Toddlers can easily become overstimulated, especially when they are tired or hungry. Removing them from a stressful situation gives them a chance to calm down and restore their equilibrium.
5. Move it, move it. If your toddler is antsy, get up and get moving! Some of our favorites include a few minutes of brisk exercise: a nature walk outside, dancing to their favorite music, and allowing them to chase me through the house for a few minutes while yelling, “I get you, Maymay!”
6. Give them their own calming technique. We’ve watched enough Daniel Tiger, who growls when he is frustrated, to have discovered this works with the kids. Recently when we were in a playgroup, one of the children insisted on telling the other children what they should do. While he was a sweet, if slightly bossy, child, I knew when I heard one of the kids growling, it was time to change their situation and move to another play area.
Of course, sometimes it’s hard for us, as parents, to remember all of these tips after the fifth (or fiftieth!) meltdown of the day. When that happens use these Tips for Parents:
7. Be prepared. We all know meltdowns are going to happen. Have a plan for what to do in public situations, like when your child is lying on the grocery store floor screaming and all the other shoppers are giving you judgemental looks as well as a plan for what to do at home. It makes life so much easier if you have techniques ready.
8. Keep calm. When we get agitated, the kids will only become more upset. This is where the deep breathing techniques come in handy for adults as well!
9. Use “I Know” statements. Speaking in as soothing a voice as possible, use statements like, “I know you are feeling frustrated,” or “I know you are upset.” This acknowledges their feelings and gives you a minute to implement a calming technique.
10. Take a chill-out break. Sometimes it’s okay to walk into another room for a minute and tell the kids you are taking a “chill out” break. Count to 10 (or 100!), take a few deep breaths and remember this phase will pass too quickly, even if it doesn’t seem like it now.
These tips have saved my sanity more than once over the years. What are your best tips for dealing with toddlers?
Honestly, this could be said of all of us! Thinking these tips would work on anyone- except teens, those are in a class by themselves. Gracias for the list.
Really great advice. When my little one shows signs of stress its something we have to jump on right away. Quiet time with a book and cuddle works wonders for her!
I used to take my daughter into a quiet room. It made it so I was the one calling it, not her, so she didn’t feel as bad leaving.
These are all really good tips. It’s hard when a child is stressed out. I always try to get them to sit down and relax or get outside and have some fun so they’re not so stressed.
When my kids were little, I found myself very short tempered and I practiced some of the things you mentioned and I got better.
Even kids can feel the stress too and that is true. It is important for a parent to be educated on their kids behavior so that they know how to handle it.
I wish you wrote this post 4 years earlier when my kids are toddler. Yes keeping up with toddler tantrums is not that easy.
What a nice way to teach children to handle their stress. Showing how kindness works and giving them the words they need.
I really enjoyed this post. I know a few people that could really use your tips.
I can’t imagine my kids having stress. That’s something that didn’t happen for me until I was much older.
I am so glad I ran into this. My sister is really going through this right now.
These are really going to help those struggling. This is serious life changing information.
My solution has always been to let them play. Especially outdoors – it does wonders for all ages,
Great tips! When my kids were small, I’d always try to be as understanding as I could. Also, chocolate helped.
One of the biggest thing that made a difference for us was outdoor time and music. I think it is key to establish things that children can do themselves to help with their emotional resilience
All children are different and different things set them off even twins. Sometimes it is how we are acting as well that set them off.
Every child is different, but these are great tips for parents to try. It can be so challenging when tantrums happen, but eventually one of these things will work.
This is definitely something my sister-in-law needs to look into. My nephew gets stressed out extremely easily. I think some of these things would definitely help her with her son.
I hate to see the littles get stressed. I was always a big fan of just taking them out of the situation that was upsetting them.