This post was brought to you by J Women’s Network and Genworth. All opinions are my own.
Eleven years ago, shortly after my mom passed away from Ovarian cancer, I asked my dad if he had any long term care plans in place. As an only child I had spent a year and a half struggling to help care for my mom, care for my young children, teach full time and work on my Master’s degree. It was a situation I was not anxious to be placed in again. My dad’s pat answer was, “I plan to live to be 140.” Finally, after asking me this repeatedly, suggesting he make some contingency plans just in case he didn’t make it to 140, and being rebuffed, I gave up. I did, however, make sure that all my options were up to date for long term care and give a detailed list to Bryan of my wishes for almost any situation. My threat to come back and haunt him if he didn’t care out my wishes was met with laughter, but I am sure he would follow through with my requests.
Fast forward to the present when my father has various illnesses, including degenerative spine disease and several TIAs (or mini strokes.) He’s also suffering from the onset of dementia. His doctor suggested that my dad consider assisted living or possibly a nursing home and was met with stubborn resistance. “I have a home of my own and I am not moving out of it!” This leaves me in the precarious position of providing twenty four hour care for my father, while still trying to juggle the demands and responsibilities of my own family. Having to care for my father is like having an extra child, but one I can’t boss around like my own children, even though I try.
If you are in a similar situation, I found an article from Genworth that discusses what to do in those difficult situations and an article to help with The Expenses and Emotions in Preparing for Long Term Care. Having rational discussions isn’t easy and is often frustrating, but it is better to be prepared than leave your child wondering what she should do and how to handle difficult situations. I know what my children say they are going to do with me, but I am prepared to come back and haunt them too. Just saying.
Have you thought of long term health care for your family?
We are no where near ready for long term care. I have had to put my uncle in a retirement home and learned a lot through that experience.
It’s great to prepare before hand. Thanks for the info!
Im trying to be prepared,,its getting closer for me,,just want to make sure my kids are taking care of an the government doesnt get everything ive worked so hard for
Such an important topic and it is not done or discussed often.
No I’m not ready but need to look at it.
I am not completely confident in my plans for long term care, but we are working on it.
I am definitely not prepared for this either. Thanks for the reminder and I will now try to get more prepared as my mother is not getting any younger and who knows what lies down the road for all of us.
we don’t have wills set up yet – it is something that’s on our list.. .eek
long-term care is something to really consider. my mom worked in a nursing home for a while
This is interesting. I read this post just after having a talk via FB with a friend who needs long term care for her mother. It is a topic we should all think about, but more often than not, it is a topic we avoid.
No I am not prepared and I should be. I will bookmark this and save for reading again later with the hubs.
It is so important to have all of these important decisions in place way in advance. We never know when life will take an unexpected turn and it’s important to have a backup plan.
It’s so important to make plans for the future. Having financial security is imperative as we get older and our situations change.
It isn’t something you want to think about or spend money on but it can be money well spent. I know many of my friends have invested in this plan.
I know that I will be the one that ends up being in charge of all these decisions, it’s very hard to think about, but has to be faced sooner rather than later. Thank you for sharing this information 🙂
Yes, we have most of our plans made. Thanks for this post – it’s not something most people want to think about.
I haven’t really done so.. because I am not open to the idea of its worst case scenario. Sigh.. I should though.. I guess being not prepared is the case.. or at the very least, my family being sick is the least of what I want to happen..
I haven’t really thought about it. But, I guess it is something that I should be thinking about.
My family and I have spoken about this and we plan to care for our parents. Its something that wr feel is right even if it will be hard.
I haven’t thought about it. But thanks for the reminder! 🙂
I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I need to do some planning but just haven’t gotten around to it yet.
My Mother In Law lived with us for awhile. It was very difficult, mostly due to her memory loss. She would become violent and hard to control. Things had to change. I wish I would have know this earlier.
Luckily, both my parents worked at health/life insurance company for many years. They are well-taken care for and it instilled in me to make sure that we have proper coverage too…its so sad to see people who don’t have care or the funds to take care of themselves…..I would never want to burden my kids with it someday!
I have to admit that I’m not prepared at all. Will have to take a further look into that article and see what my options are.
It’s so hard to even think about long term care but like you we have learned form our parents situation
I used to be a CNA and work with people in long term care. I have to admit that those facilities (IMO) are some of the most depressing places. I hope that I can take care of my family, and never have to experience them again.
This makes me realize there’s a few things I would like to discuss with my siblings about my mom’s plans.
Thanks for a great post; long Term Care isn’t always on everyone’s list but SOOOO important; what a great reminder, I will have to share with my family and friends to make sure they are covered as well…
We haven’t thought about this but it is really good to look into!
I haven’t, but it is definitely something we should all think about. It’s good to have some sort of plan.
It is something to think about!
I have never thought about it.
My mom has had those TIAs recently too. Pam, it’s so scary when you start to see their decline. 🙁 I believe we have an LTC plan in place for my mom when the day comes and she can’t live alone anymore, but I HATE thinking about it. Necessary, but I hate it.
Long term care insurance really is important. Having worked in the field, I can’t tell you how many families I dealt with that were NOT prepared.
This is something that my parents are both struggling with right now. My Mom is taking care of my step-dad full time at home and wishes she had prepared more for this.
This is a really important issue that I think people avoid because they are either scared or don’t think anything will happen. It was also cancer that made our family reevaluate plans for long term care. My mom was only 55 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, which made all of us rethink things. I think it’s important that both young and older family members are prepared because illness can strike anyone at any time. Great post!
Long term care has me a bit terrified. We thought my mom’s insurance covered long term care. But now that she needs long term care, they won’t cover it. And now we are left wondering, “what now?” Definitely don’t put off ensuring that you have long term care for everyone in your family!
As I am only 23 I have not planned for really anything. I do need to though. This has been a conversation between me and the hubby a lot lately. Thanks for sharing!
I’m definitely not as prepared as I should be. I keep putting it off and promising I will get to it soon. Thanks for the reminder.
It is hard and sometimes even if you do prepare something happens that hinders you. It is always best to be prepared and around loving family members that can help out.
I’m not as prepared as I should be
Thanks for sharing your story, it’s definitely a good reminder to have these discussions at home now while we can. I have some reading to do!
I’m definitely not as prepared as I should be. We get health insurance through my husband’s work, but it’s scary to think what might happen as we get older.
im totally not prepared! It will be upon me before I know it-thanks for the heads up!
I am far from prepared which is scary as the years seem to be flying by so quickly. x
Okay, we just had our wills done, so I am now all for being prepared for what may lie ahead. Much as we push it to the back burner, many of us will have to deal with arranging long term care for loved ones. I will check out that article from Genworth – I’m sure there is some valuable advice regarding the subject.
I am not prepared and as I get older I get more worried about it. Thanks for posting the information